The One Phone

THE ONE PHONE

Prior to coming away traveling it occurred to me that an iPhone might not have all the necessary attributes, particularly battery life, necessary for the hardened peregrinator.  During an epic clear-out day at work, I came across an old Nokia 3210 handset at the bottom of a box.  Of course, given that these phones were designed to survive a nuclear holocaust, it worked immediately.  I remember gazing upon it lovingly and caressing its plastic surface for a while, before greedily pocketing it and looking around furtively for anyone who might've observed our prophetic union. I found another one for Ro in the same box, only it was a 'lesser' model and, during our epic adventure 'from paradise to Hellville', he lost it.  The Nokia 3210 lives on however and has been battered and bashed around over the last couple of weeks, surviving with the same fortitude and robustness that I remember from when I had one years ago.  

Since, clearly, an electronic device with this sort of longevity and reliability can only have malign intention over the future of the human race, I have named it 'The One Phone to Rule Them All'.  Oddly, even though I have seen its deadly intention, I am curiously taken by it.  It saps my inner strength but my love for it grows ever stronger. Its simple yet elegant design, epoch-spanning battery life and disarming ability to accept any SIM I introduce it to is beautiful, even if there is clearly necromancy involved. 

I have come to understand, as it weighs more and more heavily in my pocket, that my meeting with this glorious yet demonic device was fateful and that it is biding its time in my pocket, subtly altering our travelling plans to guide itself back to the source of all evil in the universe, at which point it will be rejoined in unholy union with its creator and the world will be plunged into an a new age of darkness, ravaged with hellfire, sulphurous damnation and the screams of the doomed!  At the end of days, The One Phone will activate and rule over all other mobile phones, and our love of convenient, wireless telecommunications will be the conduit for judgement day!  You have been warned.

I seek to understand its complex and maleficent ways.  Recently I have noticed that sometimes a human-like visage forms on its screen.  There is a superficial air of innocence about it as it watches me.  Seemingly it is whistling out of the corner of its mouth (see photo).  But I can see past its beguilingly pleasantries!  It sees our every move!  All the time it plots our downfall!  And yet I cannot let it go. It is becoming increasingly clear to me that I am bound to The One Phone and my fate is inextricably interwoven within its vile electronic sorcery.  Repent all ye who read this!  The One Phone to Rule Them All has awoken!  And in the darkness it will bind us all!